GRATITUDE

I woke up this morning, opened the blinds and embraced the warm sunshine. I had this feeling I haven’t felt in a long, long time. But it was a familiar feeling both mentally and physically.

I was GRATEFUL!!!

Thinking about the past few weeks, and feeling how it’s affected me I’ve lost sight, not by any intention but rather by the nature of my mental illness. Rational thinking, not happening, increasing feelings of despair mixed with hypomania have completely clouded my mind. One of the things I’ve truly cherished and worked hard to sharpen, is my mind. I miss it…

Coming to the realization that life isn’t necessarily what it was before, but that it will be new and exciting gives me gratitude in that change is not only necessary, but vital for growth and human potential. Through continuous efforts in what we in devour we can make strides…Find our human potential. I’ve been spending my time at some of my favorite trail heads, inching closer and closer to my next goal of getting back on the trails. That’s what brings me peace and comfort, trail running. And occasionally ice cream. Being on the trails amongst nature and different animals like, Moose, Bear, Deer, Fox, and the occasional mountain lion helps my energy connect in nature. Full disclosure, I’ve never ran across a mountain lion, but I’m sure plenty have seen me.

Speaking of the past few weeks and my despair, my mental anguish has been tormenting to say the least. It just has seemed like nothing could possibly go right. Which made the anguish even greater and leading me on a path of possible self-harm. This pattern is not unfamiliar however, as I think back through the past, I can recognize a pattern. A pattern where for decades no one noticed, including me.

When I reflect on this morning and how I felt energized with a renewed way of thinking, I can’t express how grateful I am. I just kinda went through the day without any intrusive thoughts and the light and flowers were just a bit brighter. Another thing I’m extremely grateful for was talking with my oldest daughter. She called me today and it was amazing…amazing!!! You know what else is amazing, all of you!!!