loneliness

You know, one of the roadblocks I face is loneliness. Now some might think how is that relevant to mental health. It’s a valid question, although I’m not one to answer scientifically; I know personally. That’s the best research I have. And I can tell you it fucks with my head. I know I have those around me in my “circle” that I can reach to in time of crisis, or any other time for that matter. This feeling of being lonely is tightly coupled with isolation. Whether that isolation is self-imposed or by nature of circumstance, it’s still isolation. Every afternoon that I come back to this motel I’m reminded of the loneliness awaiting me as I enter. The memories of 10 years living on the road for my job, here I am again; technically homeless. Thank God this place is decent.

For me every reference to human attachment is both beautiful and painful. Seeing people connect, laugh, have fun and just having that interpersonal experience makes me yearn for the same. There’s nothing inherently wrong with yearning for something you crave, perhaps it’s your favorite meal you yearn for. For me this yearning, this loneliness is overwhelming where I become extremely depressed. Often with SI. I have to have connection, deep connections. The thought that I’m going to die alone are real. Not only real but I feel the pain of the thought, feeling as if what’s the point to keep going. It scares me to think of being alone as I draw further along in my life. Why the fear, after my mother died in 94, my father died two years later from loneliness. Am I in a generational cycle, albeit different circumstances, God I hope not!

Remember those who may be in the shadows, the ones who need you most. We can make a difference both individually and collectively. Loneliness is the new epidemic in the United States, although it's always been a part of human society. Either you’ve felt it or someone you know has experienced it. Let’s pay attention, keep our eyes open and potentially save a life. Loneliness has far more reaching health implications than just mental health, it also affects us physically in so many ways. Love and reach out to those who need a kind soul.