SI (Suicidal Ideations), this evil demon has terrorized me for decades. But what exactly is SI. For me it’s intrusive thoughts that are pervasive, taking control of my mind and making me want to believe the demons are right. Of course, they’re not!!! But that doesn’t matter in the moment.
In those moments I intensely wanted to die. But there is a difference between wanting to die and wanting to die with a plan in place.
In experiencing SI, you want the pain to dissipate, to just feel normal again. These “episodes” I’ll call them are scarry, but I generally know I’ll be ok over a period of time. I just have to let the feelings and intrusive thoughts run their course. However, there are things you can do to help quell the thoughts in the moment. I like to breathe, something we can consciously do anywhere.
Having SI with a plan takes this to a whole new level. A frightening level that cannot be ignored or dismissed. Life depends on taking this seriously. Once you have a plan, you’re on a whole new playing field. A field you don’t want to be on. More recently, within the past two years I had a plan; multiple plans. I’m not gonna elaborate on what those differing plans look like but, if you’ve been there, you know what I mean.
Love one another…
コメント